Lives Are In My Hands
by SamwiseAtHeart
Summary: Jonathan's perspective through out Fever He recounts those two days where he watched his wife and son slowly succumb to the deadly toxin. How does he feel through this ordeal? He tells you in this very personal account.


Hey there everyone. This fic wouldn't leave me alone. I watched Fever last week, and I suddenly had the idea for this. In all my reading of fanfiction, I never once have seen one that was based on Jonathan's perspective for the episode "Fever." I decided to make one, and this is the result. This is also my first attempt at an only Smallville fic (I've done a Duke's and Smallville Crossover, see the DOH section to see it if you're interested). This being the case, I would enjoy hearing what you all think of this and how you feel I did in the Smallville realm. Thanks a lot :D

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Smallville, I'm just writing this for the pure pleasure of writing it, and seeing readers enjoying it.

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**Lives Are In My Hands**

Yesterday morning had started out just like any other morning. It was sunny and warm, and all of us were working hard like usual. Clark and I were working on fixing the kitchen sink, and Martha was getting supplies and things ready for the fundraiser she so loved to do every year. But then everything changed… Martha started coughing uncontrollably, and then stopped breathing. That was the beginning of the worst two days of my life.

At the hospital, Dr. Bryce told me they stabilized Martha, which is something I was grateful for. I sent Clark to go finish some of the preparations for the fundraiser, even though he wanted to stay and camp out with me. I told him he needed to go do those errands because it was so important to his mother, but now that I think back, I think I could feel sort of unconsciously that something was very wrong, and I wanted to have as much alone time as I could with my wife. I held Martha's hand for a while, but then I was told that I had to go wait in the waiting room while they did some tests on her. I complied very reluctantly… I didn't want to be away from her if I could help it. They sent me out to do those tests, so I wasn't allowed in there for the moment. I sat in the waiting room instead.

All sorts of things were going through my head as I sat there waiting for the doctors to be done with Martha. I thought over our past. I thought back to the day that Martha and I met, to the day when we were married, and to the day that we found Clark. I also thought of a couple years ago when I caught a bug and was bedridden for two weeks. Martha was there to nurse me back to health. I don't think that I could have survived that ordeal had she not been there for me.

I was worried now. The doctors hadn't come back yet. They hadn't found out what was wrong with her yet. When I was sick those couple years ago, the doctors figured out what was wrong with me quickly and sent me home with a bottle of medicine an hour later. It had been several hours already and still nothing on her condition. I sighed, but then at that second, I saw Dr. Bryce coming. I stopped twiddling with my wedding ring and stood up to hear what she had to say.

Helen Bryce led me through the hall and to the outside of Martha's room. She asked me if Martha had been near any unusual substances because she was having a toxic reaction to something. I didn't answer her directly but by my body language she picked up that I didn't think she did. I asked her if there was something that they could do for my wife. The next sentence out of the doctor's mouth changed my life forever. It made my heart jump up to my throat when she said that she was actually worried for Martha… and for the baby.

"Baby?" I said completely stunned. She saw that the news was a complete shock to me. And boy I tell you it was… I was having a hard time getting my head around the new information. A baby? It wasn't possible. The doctors said that it was impossible for Martha to get pregnant. I told Doctor Bryce that, and she said that she had seen the records from sometime that last month when Martha came in for an exam and that there wasn't a mistake.

Dr. Bryce left to go do some more work on trying to figure out what was wrong with Martha, leaving me to my thoughts. To tell you the truth, my initial thought on this was the best part of the worst two days of my life… My wife was pregnant! There was a little life within her that was part of me and part of her that would one day be born and be a person of its own. I had helped create a life! This baby would be born, and then I could be a brand new father all over again! I really loved being a father to Clark, but I hadn't been able to take care of him as an infant. I wanted to experience that with this new child growing within Martha. I grinned. This was going to be awesome.

After the initial excitement of this new idea had time to settle, confusion set in. Why hadn't Martha told me that she was pregnant? That was the big question to ponder. I stood there thinking, and just watching her breathe in and out connected to some of those machines until Clark came in.

I told my son what the doctor Bryce told me. Clark was just as shocked as I was, and when I told him that I didn't know about it, and asked the question I had been asking myself ever since I learned of the baby's existence. "Why would she keep it a secret?" I told him that I didn't know. I had barely said that when Dr. Bryce came back with three other people behind her. She told me that the three people were from the Disease Control Agency. She said something about Martha's sickness being caused by an unknown toxin, perhaps a spore, and that was where the DCA people came in.

They decided to come search our farm to see where Martha had been the last couple days to try and pinpoint the source of what was making her sick. That alarmed me. The ship was on the farm, and I sure didn't want them to find it. When the doctor and the others had gone, I quickly whispered to Clark to go get and hide the ship somewhere. He nodded and headed off. I quickly got to my truck and followed the DCA motorcade back to my farm.

In no time flat the DCA were combing though my fields, my house, my barn, and my storm cellar, with me unable to do anything but stand by the fence and watch. So far there hadn't been anybody coming up from the storm cellar saying that they saw a spaceship, so that was a good sign. I wasn't worried though, I trusted that Clark had gotten it out. Little had I known then that Clark moving the ship would lead to more of my anguish...

The DCA were still combing through my property when Clark got back. I asked him if he had gotten the ship out of there, and he assured me that it was safe at Pete's. I was grateful for that, but then the next sentence out of my son's mouth did make me a little worried. He said that his strength had not worked for a minute and he and Pete had ended up running off the road. I hadn't had time to reply to him before the main DCA guy got a call from the guy combing the storm cellar. They had found a match to what was making Martha sick.

A few minutes later, Neil, the main DCA guy was holding a plastic bag with the octagonal key to Clark's ship in a plastic bag and asking me if I had seen it before. Of course I'd seen it before. We'd been looking for it for months. But I couldn't let him know that it was the key to an alien spacecraft, so I told him I hadn't. Neil told the man in the cellar to sterilize the whole place, when Clark confirmed that Martha had been down there that morning, and then walked off. Just as the DCA boss walked away, Clark asked me how the key had gotten down there. I told him that I had seen the flour jar under the sink that morning while trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Martha must have buried it with the key down there that morning while they were going to the hardware store to get the part to fix the sink.

Clark wondered out loud of why she hid it. I sure as heck didn't know so I changed the subject telling him that I was more worried about his mother's health, which was true. He agreed with me and, like any good teenager, asked another question. He was wondering what the spores really were. Once again I sure as heck didn't know, but what I did know was that it made Martha sick. Clark had gone down there too to move the ship, so he had been exposed to whatever it was, too. I had enough sense to suspect that that was the reason Clark's powers had not worked. Clark denied it and said it was just a one time glitch, but I was skeptical. He changed the subject back to worrying for Martha, so I let my gut feeling for Clark's health slide… at least for now. I told him that I was going to go back to the hospital and check with Martha and see how she was doing. He wanted to go, but I told him that I wanted to talk to her alone. Clark agreed, on the condition that he could go later, which I was okay with.

I found myself at Martha's bedside not too long later. It was probably early afternoon, but Martha was sleeping. I gently called her name, hoping she'd wake up and talk to me and answer a few of the questions that had been raging inside me since this morning when she first fell ill. I was surprised and glad when she opened her eyes. Before I could even say anything more than a "how are you feeling?" Martha that she was sorry that she didn't mention the baby. I saw the look on her face as she said that, she felt guilty that she hadn't told me or Clark. Without any anger in my voice, I gently asked her why. And with a voice that reminded me of a frightened child, she answered that she was afraid that if she said anything, it would go away. I understood…she was afraid that by telling me, she would miscarry, or something horrible would happen to our baby. I inwardly sighed, _Oh, Martha…_

Instead of being angry that Martha hadn't told me about the baby before, I decided I'd let it go and just move on, first thing being finding out how it was possible she could even get pregnant. I asked her that very question and then she told me all about what happened during the tornado. She said that the ship made a big flashy light and there was a surge of energy that filled her body. She told me that she believed that light and energy did something to allow her to be able to get pregnant. In my head I figured out, and then believed that the ship healed the thing inside her reproductive tract that had been hindering her ability to conceive. Emotion swept over me, it was a miracle! All those happy feelings I had felt about the baby when I initially found out flooded back. I told my beautiful wife that it indeed, was a miracle.

Getting control of some of those happy feelings and moving on to the next big question, I asked Martha the question both Clark and I had about the key, why had she hid it? She told me in even more of a small voice, that she was afraid that Clark would leave them if he opened the ship found out about his origins.

She looked like she wanted to cry. I picked up her hand and kissed it called her by name telling her that that wasn't going to happen. She started to cough again, and I gently moved her hand across my cheek, trying to comfort her in her illness, but to also help me to calm down too. I held her hand until she fell back asleep. When I was sure she was sleeping, I gently whispered to Martha that I loved her and that I was going home to check on Clark. I also told her that both Clark and I would be back later.

I made it home and made Clark, Lana, since she was here, and myself a sandwich for dinner. Telling the kids to keep out of trouble, I went up to Martha and my room for a rest. I had been so stressed so far. My body simply needed a break. The nap lasted long enough for the sun to have set. It was dark when I was suddenly awoken to a frantic yell from Lana downstairs.

Lana was almost in hysterics when I got down to the porch. From what I could see and what I could discern from her hysterics, Clark had fallen down the stairs… and she was sure he had broken his neck or something. I tried to calm her down with soothing words as she helped me bring my son into the house and onto the couch, but it was a phone call to the hospital that did the trick to make her stop crying. I called for Dr. Bryce to come. Since I guessed that Clark had what Martha had, and she had been the one working on that case, Dr. Bryce would be the best one to help Clark.

Dr. Bryce came quickly considering the time of day. When she asked what happened, I remembered that Lana was still there. I sort of asked her if I could talk to the doctor alone. She nodded and left, looking pretty upset at seeing Clark sick. I turned my mind off of her, and back to the issue at hand… Clark. I told Dr. Bryce that Clark was exposed to the same thing that Martha was. The doctor absolutely freaked and told me that I should have brought Clark in to the hospital right away.

Oh, if only she knew…

I couldn't let Clark go into the hospital. She pulled out her tools to take Clark's blood. I looked on with apprehension. I told her that she couldn't take his blood. She kept on getting him prepped for it and I told her that she literally couldn't. She didn't know that Clark's flesh could make bullets bounce off. I was incredibly surprised when the needle actually did go into Clark's arm. For a second I watched with fascination, but then my sense came in. I couldn't let her take that blood into a lab. Many people there would find out that Clark's blood wasn't normal, and then he and Martha and I would be in trouble.

Dr. Bryce finished up taking his blood and started to stand up. I held my hand out, keeping her down. I told her that she couldn't take it to a lab and that she had to do the blood work herself. I still wasn't happy that she had gotten blood at all, but I compromised that only having one person know Clark's abnormal-ness would be better than a whole room of blood specialists. I told her that if she did the blood work herself, then she'd know why I was acting the way I was, and why I couldn't let Clark go to the hospital. She looked at me funny but agreed and then quickly ran off back to the hospital in order to do the blood work.

After Dr. Bryce left, I wasn't sure quite what to do. It was night time and I had the two people I love the most really really sick, one in the hospital, and one at home. After a minute of thought I decided to sit there in the family room and keep vigil over Clark for the night. Martha was being watched over by the doctors at the hospital, she'd be all right. I had faith in them that they'd keep her safe. I pulled the love seat over next to the long couch, grabbed a blanket and a book, and settled myself in to keep vigil over Clark all through the night.

The dawn came fairly quickly, I had dozed some, but I had kept alert enough to know the needs of my son as they arose. Clark had asked for a glass of water once during the night as his fever grew. I also added a blanket covering my son when he started shivering. I know I may not be the motherly type like Martha, but I could tell that Clark had a fever, and needed to keep warm. His shivering seriously worried me.

At dawn I made myself some breakfast, just a couple of scrambled eggs and gulped them down, my only thoughts on my sick family. I decided that I needed to go check on Martha. I woke Clark and told him that I was going to go visit his mother. He told me he wanted to go, but I told him no because he was too sick. I told him that I had made some toast for him if he was hungry, but mostly I told him I wanted him to stay in bed and rest. He was too weak to argue… which worried me. But Clark was awake and lucid which gave me hope that this storm would pass. I just hoped that Martha would awake like Clark did.

I hopped in my truck and for what seemed like the millionth time in twenty four hours, I found myself back at the hospital in Martha's room by her bedside. She looked a lot worse than she did yesterday… and yesterday she had been pale… very pale. Martha now looked almost akin to a ghost, her auburn hair brightly contrasting with the pale of her now ever whitening skin. I gently called her name, but all she did was start coughing, and moan slightly. "Martha sweetheart." I called again. This time with a moan, Martha turned her head towards me and peeked open an eyelid. I smiled at her and picked up her hand giving her a few kisses. She smiled slightly which brightened my spirits. I told her that I loved her, and that I wanted her to fight whatever bug this was as hard as she could because Clark and I need her. She whispered back that she loved me too and then that lone eye closed again, throwing her back into dream.

That might have been the last time I'd ever see Martha's eyes again…

After sitting with Martha about an hour I went back to check on Clark. He was asleep on the couch, much like where he was when I left him. I noticed when I glanced at the kitchen table that the toast I had made for him was gone. He ate something… that was good. I thought maybe he was getting better... after all he did have a lot different, and better immune system than the average human.

Little did I know what was actually going to happen…

I spent most of the day going back and forth between the hospital home, spending an hour with Clark and then an hour with Martha, an hour home, and then an hour at the hospital. Martha never woke up again on my watch. If anything she only looked weaker and weaker the more times I came. The only good news I felt, was that Clark did wake up. He was awake a couple times for about fifteen minutes each, but then he went back into his fevered slumber on the couch. This back and forth watching went on until mid-afternoon before the routine abruptly changed.

I was on my Clark hour shift when I got a knock on the door. Chloe was standing there when I answered it. I was kind of surprised and kind of apprehensive when I saw that it was her. Before I could even greet her, she started talking, telling me she heard what happened from Lana, and then she asked me if Clark was okay. Well Clark wasn't okay. I had been watching him, and his fever was getting worse. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to let Chloe in. My mind kept on going to different scenarios of people finding and experimenting on Clark because they had heard that he, or his fever wasn't exactly "normal." I didn't think it was a good idea for her to see Clark, so I stuttered out, "Uh, yeah, he's um, he's just resting on the-- on the couch. I'll be sure and tell him you stopped by to say hello."

I was ready to close the door blocking her from the view of the inside, but Chloe sort of put her foot in the door and asked if she could please sit next to Clark for a little while. Another thought went through my mind… this one mentally smacking myself in the head. This was _Chloe_ at the door. She was someone who really cared for Clark and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. I smiled and gestured for her to come in and told her of course she could sit by Clark. I felt something about her that told me that she needed some time alone with my son, so I told her I'd be waiting upstairs for when she was done. She gave me a half a nod and went over to the couch where Clark was lying asleep, as I headed up the stairs.

I stayed in Martha and my room for quite a while, just resting on our bed. I hadn't had much sleep last night so I dozed for a little bit, trusting that Chloe would be watching over Clark. I was surprised to wake up some time later by the sound of groaning. One quick look out the window and I saw that the sun had gone down. I must have been asleep for over an hour. I sighed, rubbed the sand out of my eyes and headed downstairs to see why Clark had moaned. The first thing I noticed was that Chloe was gone. The next thing I noticed was that Clark was halfway off the couch, his head and upper body on the floor while his feet were still on the couch. The moan must have come when he bonked his head on the floor falling off the couch. I sighed and then went and moved my son back onto the couch. That was a lot harder now, much more than it was when he was just a little boy. But I got him back up there and then wrapped another blanket around him.

I left my hand on my son's shoulder as I gazed down onto his face. I loved my son. It was so hard for me to see him ill like this. The sweat pouring off his forehead was foreign to me. I had never seen him sick before, and it was difficult to know that I couldn't do anything but stand on the sidelines and watch him battle the fight that was raging within him alone. I sighed and gently kissed Clark on the forehead and then took a seat on the loveseat, keeping my eyes on my sick child, silently hoping that my presence would help him somehow.

I hadn't been sitting down long when suddenly the phone started ringing. I couldn't shake a bad feeling as I stood up to get to the phone. Something wasn't right. On the third ring I picked up the phone. "Hello?" I asked. "This is Dr. Bryce, Mr. Kent?" the woman's voice answered. I replied that yes it was me. She then she asked me if I was seated. I quickly found myself a seat on a kitchen chair and told her yes, knowing that whatever news she had, had to be bad news. I prayed though that it wasn't the worst.

"Mr. Kent." Dr. Bryce's voice began. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. I've been working on both your wife and Clark's blood work… and I've found that the toxin attacking their systems is accelerating its spread. I'm sorry Mr. Kent, but Martha most likely won't make the night… and neither will Clark."

I dropped the phone. Chills went up and down my body as the shock pierced straight to my heart… and my Adams apple decided to camp out up in my throat making it hard for me to breathe. I was glad that I was sitting down, I was sure that had I been standing I would have fell down in a faint. My eyes glassed over with tears and I shook. I shook terrifically, for I was afraid. I was afraid to think that this scenario was ever possible… and yet here it was actually happening. This was unreal, and I was numb.

I glanced down at the floor and saw the phone and heard faintly the sound of the doctor's voice calling my name and asking if I was alright. I took as deep a deep breath I could past that lump in my throat, trying to calm my rattled nerves and heart and picked up the phone. I told her that I was okay and then hung up the phone before she could say anything else… I don't think I could have handled it if she were to have said anything else.

Dropping the phone again, I set my elbow on the kitchen table, with my hand on my face, just trying to get a grasp on what had just been thrown onto me. _Martha was going to die…_ the lump in my throat grew two sizes. _She was…_ I started to breathe hard as tears streamed down my face. _No… She** is** dying_… "Martha." My face turned white as the truth sunk in and I started to sob. _My wife is going to die_. My entire body shook, and looking around in my despair, my eyes caught the color of the blue blanket covering Clark. "Clark"… _She said that he…_ The lump in my throat felt like it was going to explode. _He's going to go be with Martha…_ My lip quivered as my breathing became shallow and quick, and I started to cry again. _My family is going to die_…

I let myself cry for a little while, but then I knew that I had to get a grip on myself. I had to go see Martha… I had to go see Clark. I also had to do something about this!

I stood up from the chair that had mercifully stopped me from ending up on the floor and slowly walked over to my dying son. I saw him lying there, his face was so peaceful. But it was also too young. I blinked away a couple more tears. "Clark." I whispered, but he didn't answer. I watched as another droplet of sweat dripped from his forehead. Clark never perspired before. It was something about his alien physiology that sto-… I gasped. Something that Martha told me earlier suddenly became clear in my grieving mind. Clark's ship! The ship healed her insides making her able to be pregnant. It healed her! I trembled at the thought… could it heal again and save my family? I didn't know, but I was going to find out.

I leaned down and kissed Clark on the forehead and then went to the closet to grab my jacket. I had a ship and a key that I had to get. If I didn't try to do this, then I could never forgive myself. I was halfway out the door when I heard my son's voice call me.

"Dad." He said as he stood and followed me out the door, wrapped in the blanket I had covered him with. I saw him standing there, looking frailer than I had ever seen him before. That scared me to death. I told him that he shouldn't be up. He didn't take my hint, but instead proceeded to ask me where I was going. I told him that I was going to go get the ship from Pete's. "Now?" He asked. Clark had a sharp mind, and even though he was really sick, he sensed this to be something about his mother… "How's Mom?" That two word question sent my Adams apple up again as the thought of loosing the both of them crossed through my mind. I couldn't answer, the lump in my throat wouldn't let me, and the thought of telling my son that he and his mother were going to die wasn't one that I was looking forward to sharing. "Dad?" he called my name again trying to bring me out of my sort of grieving daze. I breathed in, trying to get rid of the tears that were cropping up and turned to answer his question as bravely as I could.

"Clark, Helen says that your mother probably won't make it through the night." I hesitated for only a second, once again trying to get control of myself at the thought of losing him and her. "And now you, too."

Clark reacted just as I thought he would. He instantly told me that I shouldn't worry about him but focus on trying to help his mother. I could tell he was on the same plane as I was, so I told him what I was bent on doing. I told him with a slightly shaky voice, after all I wasn't sure if this plan was actually going to work, that "I'm not gonna lose my family, not without a fight. Now, if it takes another miracle, I just have to go out and find one."

Clark took in the clues, and guessed right on what I thought could help Martha. He asked me if the ship could heal. I told him the truth, my voice still shaky and unsure, and full of emotion that I couldn't hide no matter how hard I tried. "I don't know, Clark. I'm just grasping at straws here. The doctors can't help you, and your mother thinks the ship helped her get pregnant. I don't know, maybe it's crazy."

Goodness knows I felt like I was a little crazy thinking that this would help. But I couldn't just sit there and watch as the lives of the two people I love the most are sucked away.

Clark told me that the only way for the ship to work was for the key to be in it. I told him that I knew that, and that I knew exactly where the DCA people took it. "I'm going there to get it right now." I said walking across the path towards my truck. Clark's eyes went up and then he started forward saying "I'll go with you." I immediately turned and said "No. I want you to stay right here." I turned my head back forward to the truck, not being able to keep my eyes on my son any longer without crying again. "You're too sick." I turned my head halfway towards Clark again, this last sentence having a hard time making it past the lump in my throat. It could very well have been the last sentence I'd ever say to him and it hurt my heart to say it. "Go to bed, son."

I made it to my truck, and then out of my driveway feeling confidant, but now as I'm driving toward the DCA, my heart is trembling. My whole life now depends on what I'm about to do, And I am scared to death that something will go wrong, and that Clark and Martha will end up dying because of my mistake…

This by far is the worst situation I've ever been in, and the worst day of my life. For the lives of Martha, Clark, and my unborn child, I pray I don't mess up. Their lives are in my hands.

The End


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